Don't be your first rejector

Overcoming your own mind as the first blocker to doing anything.

In 2018 I had the chance to briefly live with a wise and well-read roommate named Mark. Mark had mountains of books on everything from business to philosophy and more. When he was moving out on a sabbatical, he wasn’t concerned about anything else he owned – he was just interested in shipping his massive box of books to the next city.

One day, we were having a conversation about rejection in life, and Mark said something that stuck with me for years. I was reminded of it when my friend and resident expert of France, Juliette, relayed it perfectly to me earlier this week. We had chatted about it before in the past and it seemed to strike a lasting chord with her, so I figured I’d share it.

My memory is hazy on the exact wording of the quote, but this is as close as to what Mark told me:

"Don't ever let yourself be the first rejection mechanism because the world is filled with rejection mechanisms."

Simple advice that can be applied to so many things in life, from career to relationships, to trying new things, and a healthy reminder that sometimes your own mind gets in the way of your success.

Overthinking kills action

Marks quote is a great reminder that so much of what we experience in our head is just our own imagination at work and not reality. When you overthink things your mind comes up with all kinds of minor excuses to hold you back.

“Oh I’ll look dum doing that” or “It’ll be so awkward if I complement them” or “This is probably a bad time to reach out.” These are all not valid reasons to avoid trying something because more often than not they aren’t true.

The most powerful component of Mark’s advice is how it lifts the weight of trying to puzzle out whether something will work or not in your head. Why not actually find out rather than pretend to find out whether doing something works?

Giving the burden to the vast ocean of the world is a better way to disperse it versus having it fester in your head.

Balancing ego with rejection

Sometimes there's a challenge to putting this advice into practice. We don't always know if we're qualified for a situation or something we ask for. This calls for our ego to be bold enough to face rejection (which won’t happen a lot of times) or judgment from others who may see us fail (they’ve got other stuff to worry about). It's essential to push past these fears and take risks to avoid being our own barrier to success.

Think about all the opportunities you might have missed out on due to fear of rejection – it's easy to see how our lives could have been entirely different had we given ourselves the first chance. I feel like my most empathetic and artistic friends suffer from canceling themselves too early, so this advice is really directed at them.

Being blunt, the world really has plenty of ways to crush your hopes and dreams. More often than not you may be surprised to find out that it won’t.

Next time you’re in a situation of doubt, or feel like it’d be awkward to do something, dismiss your worries and leave it up to the world to decide. Don’t “pre-reject” yourself. If the world really does not like what you are doing it will certainly let you know, but most of the time you’re probably not giving yourself the space to find out what will actually happen.

Inhale courage, exhale doubt, and don’t let yourself be the first rejection mechanism.